The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
