I faked an abortion last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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