I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
