One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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