Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are a genius and a whore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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