so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
