i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
