i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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