Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
