My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
