My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
