she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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