wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
