My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
