i would punch a child for taco bell
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
