I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
