There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
