I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
