Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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