We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
