nut hugger
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Damn victory sex feels great
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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