nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I smell like Dick and happiness
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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