question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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