you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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