Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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