You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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