Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
