tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm too high and old for this...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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