he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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