I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if only i could text you this smell
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
