Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
