Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
