Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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