You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
