My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
