I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
