dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone shattered a urinal.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
