I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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