Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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