I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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