take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
