shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
