...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
