what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
