Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
