i just google imaged poop.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
