I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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