I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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