and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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