It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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