the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
