Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
