Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
