Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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