I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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