I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
