I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize