No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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