Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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