I want to make a zoo with you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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