I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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