Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize