Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
