I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
