This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
