I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
