to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
