4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
