Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
