I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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