Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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