Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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