After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize