can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
