how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
