Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
