none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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