Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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